A Fat Cat's Tale

It's time to meet my littlest human, he's just a kitten compared to me (not in size obviously).

This is Christopher Hogg, also goes by the names: Bug, Buggle, Chip, Chippy, Nips (humans are strange creatures, the poor boy's going to get confused as to what his real name is).

Christopher is the lively young age of 10. I remember when I was that young, out chasing the birds and the mice, now it's them chasing me... wow I'm reminiscing, that's what senior cats like Sox do, I'm officially an old fart.

Christopher loves playing video games (I can't play myself, downside of being a cat, I don't have opposable thumbs and the controller baffles me). He is also a keen reader, again I have some difficulty in turning the pages of books, the whole no thumbs fiasco again...

So when Christopher reads, I sit and get a cuddle, I think that's a pretty good thing we've got going there he gets to enjoy his book and I enjoy being petted and snuggled. (I look meow-jestic in that photo, I wasn't posing...I promise.)

Christopher's hobbies consist of:

- Wiping bogies on his bedroom wall - he's a little cretin sometimes.

- Waking Louise up in the morning when he sings any song that comes into his head at the time, at full volume. I try to join in sometimes but I don't have such a sweet voice, it's more of a 'dying-cat' aspect that I add to the song. Louise doesn't enjoy this.

- Play fighting with our dad (big Kenny will be making an appearance next week) and then he cries when he gets hurt - he comes to me for a cuddle after, I'm fine with that.

I told you he loves to read! Here's another delightful photo of us and Bella, that cheeky cat always manages to make an appearance, she loves the camera too much.

For now, my friends I am off to read in bed with Christopher - lots of petting for me.

Until next time humans - paws out.

The human you've all been waiting for - although I feel I may not live long after this post... SORRY MAW.

Humans, meet Donna. My human mother, the woman who picked me to be her furry son - she couldn't resist my cute charms and my happy slobbering when I get petted.

Now, I don't think I can tell you Donna's real age because women seem to be very sensitive about these kinds of facts, so let's say she's 21... (I am so not getting any treats today).

Donna loves to chill out on her couch - make no mistake that if anyone else sits on her couch they get swiftly punted off, the woman needs her space... However as you can see I'm allowed to sit on the couch because i'm cute (and her favourite being in this house).

Donna's hobbies include:

- Drinking copious amounts of tea, she is what some would call a 'tea-jenny' - and believe me this lady is fussy about the amount of milk that goes in her tea, if it's not right you're sent back to the kitchen to fix the mess you've made of that poor woman's tea.

- Finding Marc Hillis (Louise's boyfriend) Doppelgängers in foreign countries (3 in the last year) and taking photos of them for proof - yes Donna is a crazy cat. The last doppelgänger she found she unfortunately couldn't take a photo however as she said - "No we sat down to have our dinner and there he was, couldn't take a pic incase we ended up in the poky!!!."

- Decorating the Hogg Household every three months or so, in my old age I often forget what's new in this house or what's been here for a while. There's often so much furniture making equipment around, she loves to make things, my fellow furries and I love to play with the bits and bobs like those all important screws she might need so her furniture doesn't fall apart... whoops.

"H is for Hogg!" (Donna Hogg, 2016)

Before I go, I'm just going to leave you with this video of Donna and her easter egg (no one was allowed to touch them, they were hers), enjoy humans.

https://vimeo.com/161921816

Until next time humans - paws out.

This is my human (well, 1 of 4).

I know what you're all thinking 'wow she's weird' and yes humans, yes she is.

My human is just a young spring chicken, at the age of 20 (just a little kitten compared to me).

Oh I just realised I haven't even told you her name, I think it's my old age getting the better of me, this human is called Louise.

Louise and I share a common hobby, she loves to SLEEP too. It's not uncommon to find her in bed after a gruelling day of university, (3 hours a day, 3 days a week... lazy fur-ball) taking a 'well-earned' nap. Often she brings me in the room too and we snuggle and sleep as demonstrated below. (Sometimes I think she is part cat.)

(Bella making her appearance, she sometimes likes to snuggle too.)

Louise's hobbies include:

-Eating her weight in food - when she gets a ham/chicken sandwich I get some too (I can smell it a mile away). I annoy her until she gives me some…

-Giving me my heart tablets in the morning - I have a large heart (genuinely, not just because I’m so loving, it’s a meow-dical condition ok…) Sometimes I accidentally dribble on her when she’s putting the tablet in my mouth and she gags because my breath smells, it’s ok though she still loves me.

-Binge-watching series programmes on Netflix when she has university assignments to do - it’s a talent of hers to do it every year, and then cry when she has no time. I often like to help her study and do work, I do my best but hey I'm only a cat!

(This is us, and Bella again, but I paw-t in more effort than Bella helping Louise with University work, Bella just prances around being silly.)

For now my friends, I must take my leave as I can smell ham - that'll be Louise making food again - time to go get a snack!

Until next time humans - paws out.

Sox likes to snuggle whilst he sleeps, I have no choice in the matter.

I know it's been a while and you've all been missing my big loveable self, who wouldn't eh?

You lucky humans get to meet my two sisters tonight, the youngest of the furry Hogg family at only 8 years old, they're double the trouble but they're the coolest cats in town.

Humans meet Bella Hogg, she's one crazy cat. Bella enjoys:

1. Not going to bed when she’s told, she runs away as fast as her furry legs will carry her - Bella lives by her own rules in the Hogg household.
2. Stealing food off of the humans dinner plate with her paws - provides mild entertainment for guests until they realise she’s finished their dinner…
3. Sitting on humans arms whilst they try and work on their laptops - if she fits, she sits.
4. Often running up and pawing me on the head for no reason whatsoever (stupid cat) - I tend to sit rather confused for a while after.

Now here's Maisie Hogg (or Maisie Mouse as the humans like to call her, quite fitting seen as she's scared of life). You may be thinking in your human heads right now, 'Yeah ok Harry, that's the same cat', but alas it is not.

Look closely at their furry facial expressions. Bella has a more dumb, playful cheery wee face whereas Maisie has an 'I'm going to kill you whilst you sleep' sort of face.

Maisie enjoys:

1. Eating cat-nip - purr-sonally, I think that's just plain weird, I don't like the stuff, gives me meow-grains.

2. Hiding all over the house (odd-ball) so no human comes near her - apart from Donna, you'll meet her later, she's a scream.

3. Being petted whilst eating her food (the only time she allows humans to touch her) - now I don't know about you but if someone came near me when I was eating, they'd get a paw straight to the face, don't mess with me when I'm eating.

4. Sleeping in her 'castle' as demonstrated above - she doesn't let the rest of us furries in it, mind you, I don't think I'd fit...

This is Bella and I, we like to wake up the humans guests in the morning, I head-butt, she treads - we've got this down to a fine art. Maisie on the other hand prefers to sleep next to me when we get put to bed.

Bella and Maisie fight like, cat and dog. Oh the irony.

On that note, I think I can hear them fighting right now, time to go be the big furry brother and sort them out.